Yes Yes. I don't even know what my heading mean. Who the fuck cares?
It just came to my mind and i just felt like using it.
I'm FUCKING not happy right now. Really painful. Like this bloody knife stabbed into my heart.
I'm not even ditched or neither did i lose an arm.
FUck. Yes. Fuck it.
My horoscope for today says that i have to..
" Take things slowly, do things step be step. "
And yup. I'm Following it.
I walked slowly to school, walked slowly to class.
Took things slowly, had lunch. walked back to class.
EVERYTHING IS PERFECTLY OK.
DAMN. What's the problem? The FREAKING PROBLEM is that..
I don't understand the problem statement. I know it's hard to change what you learn so fast.
Yes. Jumping into all sorts of freaking engineering stuff is sucky. REally sucky.
It's logistics, plus maths, plus graphs, plus excels, plus maths, plus maths, plus maths.
YES. I KNOW I GOT THIS IDIOTIC B4 FOR MY O'LEVELS MATHS. and it's the only time in my 4 years of secondary school life that i passed my maths.
Yes And just when i thought i'm never going to touch maths again. ... Here i am !
Back to Square 1 ! maths. and it sux, because we need to do maths in EXCEL. PLOT FREAKING GRAPHS.
alright, it's alright. I've got team mates to help me with it too. Yea =)
still, it sucked.
Ok. back to today .
yea. i've took everyday slowly, the problem is i dun understand how to use the formula to solve today's problem.
But hey, I tried. I've always tried.
I JUST CAN'T DO IT. And NEITHER CAN MY TEAM MEMBERS.
So what's the problem ? I couldn't solve it and i just presented the definition of something.
WHY AM I EVEN COMPLAINING?
i'm so sorry. i don't know where can i vent my anger.
I was drawing this graph that my team mate and I manage to somehow calculated.. And I was told my team is the first team to present.
It's like.. no one is helping?
I couldn't get the graph in the excel. I drew it on paper. Took a picture. Couldn't get the picture bluetoothed to my com.
I drew the graph on the whiteboard, failed. i can't draw a 0.5 metre straight line.
I managed to get the picture in my com. I don't have the ppt.
SO MUCH FOR TAKING THINGS STEP BY STEP. The reason i'm pissed with myself is that, i can't contribute at all to last week and today's presentation.
Just can't do it.
It's always like that, i cannot take it when my team's presentation is unclear. I cannot take it when my team's presentation is skimpy.
I cannot take it when i cannot do anything to make my team's presentation more presentable.
and i blame myself.
It's always like that.
People says i find trouble myself because it's not my fault.
Maybe it's me. I just cannot take it. I don't like not understanding anything. I like to be clear and like everyone to be as clear as me.
I feel so stupid.
After presenting, i accidentally dropped my laptop. yes. i feel so stupid.
And so, i'm here blogging.
venting my anger to almost no one.
If someone is reading this, i bet he/she will be like.. "WHAT THE FUCK, YAPZIQI, GET A LIFE !"
SIGH. I just feel so fucking depressed right now.
it's studio rehearsal later on.
COME ON, tell me it's going to be better. Don't ruin my freaking i-thought-it-would-be-good day.
Ok. Sorry. Hehehe. i suddenly feel so much better. Yes. just type and type and type. now i feel so much better. =)
If you don't understand why am i having severe mood swings these few weeks, let me tell you.
- I'm suffering as i cannot cope with my school stuff. - This saturday is the RPWS concert and i'm worried i might fall sick anytime. - My piano teacher is not convinced that i can take my piano exam this year. - I AM not convinced that i can take my piano exam this year. - I HAVE to take my piano exam this year as my agreement with the school is to have my onstage examination next year. - I have to get at least a MERIT to be able to have my onstage examination. - I must get a distinction, if not i'll have to quit band. That's my agreement with my dad. - I don't have time to practice. - I haven't start with my PP scope and i'm left with 2 weeks. - I'm getting insomnia. - My temper is getting worst. - I'm not losing weight. - My mum is sick. - My sister is overseas. - No one to do the chores. - I owe my sister money. - I didn't wear shoe today.
yes yes. and the list goes on.
I can list over a 100 things that can make me so frustrated.
What the hell. Really.
I thought i was actually feeling better. ! I need to listen to nightwish. need to. need to.
My facilitator is explaining about something that i'm supposed to know. Don't understand.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Good Bye. I'm tired.
Thank you for reading until this point. I think i've caused some irritation in ur nerves already.
hees. so sorry. i'll try to post something nicer and livelier next post.